Careers, Spouses, Babies, and Houses
by Red Smurf Yellow Duck
Summary: The seventh years are given a marriage project. What happens when enemies are married and people are given not so desireable jobs? Eventual L/J
1. grapes, mates, and complaints

Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: As you can see by the copyright date, much of this story was written before HBP and DH. In fact, it was written just around the time of OoTP. Therefore, there are a lot of glaring inaccuracies as revealed by subsequent HP books. We have thusly decided to change around certain characters in order to make it more accurate. There are still certain references/events which may or may not be contradicted by cannon or by JKR. So, please bear with the changes, and accept the fact that we can't go through and change the entire story.

Arabella Figg has been replaced by a one Gwendolyn (Gwen) Humphreys, a fictional character we have created.

Arthur Weasley and Molly Baker have been replaced by Frank Longbottom and Alice Prewett (later to be Longbottom).

**CHAPTER 1: Grapes, Mates, and Complaints**

It was a lovely Monday morning in September, the ceiling of the Great Hall revealed a cloudless blue sky, and it was pleasantly warm inside the old castle. Most of the students were just sitting down to breakfast before their first classes of the day. The Marauders were seated at their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. Remus was finishing up some homework (which of course wasn't due for another week), Peter was cleaning up the Pumpkin juice he had spilled, James was slurping down oatmeal, and Sirius was taunting one of the first years.

Lily Evans tossed back her long auburn hair as she walked to the Gryffindor table and sat with her group of friends. She chatted loudly with the girls, most of which were none too smart. Her current boyfriend, Eamon Ryley, took the seat next to her and grabbing her waist, slid her so that she was practically on top of him, giggling all the while. A good number of seats down Sirius Black choked on his food as Eamon ate a grape out of Lily's mouth.

"They make me sick," James Potter commented into his porridge.

His twin sister Samantha looked at his best friend and in a tone filled with mocking disgust, "Sirius makes me sick and he doesn't even have to eat a grape out of someone's mouth."

"Now, Sam, Padfoot didn't deserve that," James said feigning a reproachful tone.

"Well, actually, I did."

"Yeah," Sam jumped in, "I would say turning my hair blue, putting a frog in my cereal, and covering my bed with toothpaste are reason enough to say that."

James gave Sirius a look and with a whine that was clearly practiced, Sirius started to complain, "But James! She deserved it!"

"Oh really?" James cocked an eyebrow.

"Yeah! She turned my robes pink, switched my shampoo for Nair, hello! Do you know what Nair does?! It's a hair _remover_. MY hair! My lovely, gorgeous hair fell out because of HER! Which, now you see why I had to turn HER hair blue, of course. AND to top it all off with sugar, cherries, and sprinkles, while I was in the bath she stole my clothes and all the towels so I had to make my way back to the common room with only a bar of soap and a loofah!"

"Bad mental picture," Remus stated while shaking his head. Then, turning to Sam he said, "I have to admit though, that was pretty good."

"I know. It was one of my better ones!" Sam was glowing with pride.

"Oh come off it, you two have been torturing each other since you were in diapers. It's just been sixteen years of who deserves what!" James exclaimed.

"Well, you know, Sirius started it when he pushed me in that mud pit!"

"No, no, you put sand in my diaper first!"

"Well that's only because you bit me!"

"You took away Mr. Fuzzles!"

"Oh, you are not still on about that stupid pink tiger!"

"He was magenta! He was _not_ pink!"

"Oh, he was _so_ pink. And you deserved it!"

"Yes, but the question is, did Mr. Fuzzles deserve it!? I think not!"

As Sam and Sirius continued to bicker about who deserved what, James turned his attention back to Lily and her group. He secretly found her quite attractive. With her long, wavy auburn hair, piercing green eyes, and that smile, he found her hard to resist. He, of course, could never tell the others, especially Sam, because they just saw her as vapid, annoying, and shallow. Sure, she was pretty shallow, but James thought that there might be much more that she just wasn't showing the rest of the world. She was actually very smart, third in the class behind himself and Remus and she was Head Girl. She was excellent at Charms and when she wasn't hanging around with the rest of her crowd, she could be quite nice. He remembered one time they were both up late in the Common Room studying for exams and she had talked to him very politely, and even helped him with a spell before she retired to bed. It was that night, fifth year that he decided he might like Lily Evans. He watched her carelessly flip her hair out her face and smile at her friends. Eamon tickled her and she squealed with laugher before throwing a roll at him. She grabbed her bag and stood up. James watched as she slowly and laughingly made her way out the door.

Remus waved his hand in front of James' face and James realized the other four were standing, waiting for him. "Anybody home? It's time for Transfiguration."

"Oh. Oh, yes, so it is. Just lost in thought, you know. Big potions test coming soon."

Remus cocked an eyebrow and picked up his bag. "Yes. Now let's go, we'll be late."

The boys and Sam walked down the hall as Sirius, looking at his timetable exclaimed, "Bleeding Christ! This is our only class today! WAAHOOO!!" Sam quite literally jumped for joy, nearly knocking over a first year.

The rest of Gryffindor were in their seats when the five late-comers entered. McGonagall did not look pleased that they entered late but she was not surprised in the least. After they had taken their places, she cleared her throat.

"I'm sure you've all heard of a marriage project and as seventh years you will now be participating in one. This is your last year at Hogwarts. You will be going out into the real world and some of you may get married. You will be assigned a partner- or spouse for the rest of the year. This course is designed to prepare you for married life, owning a home, holding a job, and raising children. You will be taking specialty courses for this project in addition to your regular coursework. Just because this project will take up most of your time and because this is your last year that does not mean that you should slack off! Also, you may have noticed that this is your only class today."

Here Sirius interjected with, "Thank all things holy!"

"Settle down, Mr. Black. That is so because as your head of house I must pass out your pamphlets, assign spouses, and explain some things. Now, in a few moments I will announce partners. But first, you need to know that you will each be given a randomly selected job with its appropriate salary. Some of you may not have a job and you can be laid off at any time in which you must find another. Any questions?"

After answering a few questions that concerned students she passed out the pamphlets.

"We have to worry about finances?"

"Meals? The women have to cook?"

"You can be unemployed? How does that happen?"

"Class! Settle down! I'll answer the rest of your questions at the end of class! For now, I will announce partners. Fudge, Bartholomew! Fletcher, Adams! Black, Miss Potter! Lupin, Humphreys! Longbottom, Prewett! Pettigrew, Rosmerta! Ryley, Carlson! Mr. Potter, Miss Evans!"

Most students shuffled forlornly to their partners unhappy with the results, others like James were pleased as punch. Sam and Sirius who had jumped at the same time were more than a little unhappy.

"I can't work with that Bi-"

"Watch your mouth Padfoot! That's my sister!"

"I can not work with that prick!"

"Sam! He may be a prick but he's my best friend!"

"Mr. Potter, Miss Potter, Mr. Black! Sit down."

At the same time the troubled "couple" objected, "But Professor! You can't do this to me! Really! Don't make me marry it!"

"There is no discussion. You will just have to live with it. Heaven forbid, you might even learn to get along at the end of this!"

They grumbled and sat as far apart from each other as McGonagall would allow.

"So, Lily, I was thinking…" James trailed off, as it was obvious that his wife wasn't paying attention, as she was too busy shooting Lauren Carlson death glares as she giggled at something Eamon had said.

"Oh, how dare she!" James was quite afraid of how Lily was reacting to her boyfriend being paired with another girl.

Her venomous looks ceased as McGonagall handed out the career/salary papers. The whole class was chatting as they received their assignments. Some students were quite happy with the results but what was written on Lily's paper made her stand up in a fury and yell, "I demand another job!"

IIIIIIIIII

Lily was in the Gryffindor common room with her friends as they sat discussing-or, in Lily's case- complaining about their project. She was pacing the room, obviously very discomfited to say the least. She had left Transfiguration in a huff after landing herself a detention for arguing with McGonagall.

"Oh my god! I cannot believe it! Detention, Potter for a partner AND she won't change my awful-horrible-terrible-no good- JOB!" This was punctuated by four swift kicks to the poor defenseless wall. And with that she screamed so loudly she could be heard outside the portrait hole.

As always, read and review, it really makes us happy when you do!!


	2. fights, bites, and detention nights

Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: Well, this came to Megan while she was at work and then evolved into a group effort. We hope it turned out as well as we planned.

A/N 2: We originally started posting this June 2003 and only posted four chapters because we became lazy and busy and lost a lot of our notes. We've been talking about reposting these and finishing it off (so we hope!). Now we're no longer little fan-girls, we are in fact in college, but this story's special to us, so we're going to ignore the fact that this makes us extremely lame and continue with it. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2: Fights, Bites, and Detention Nights**

"A housewife! A housewife! I ask you," Lily's anger turned to poor first year. "Do I LOOK like a housewife?" She was practically quaking with frustration.

Eamon tried but failed to help with, "Well, Lily, you could always be MY housewife!"

"Arghhh! Shut up, Eamon! You are NOT helping!"

Sam, now thoroughly pissed off turned to Remus and "whispered" in a loud voice, "She's too much of a skank to be a housewife. She might break a nail! Then whatever would she do? You simply can't do anything with a broken nail!" Remus and a few others laughed at this but soon stopped at the murderous look on Lily's face.

"Excuse me?" Her voice was a dead whisper.

Everyone in the common room stood still, afraid to even breathe but Sam felt daring enough to stand up to a redhead.

"You heard me."

"Did you call me a skank?"

"Yeah. What of it?" Lily didn't even waste her breath answering she just hauled off and tackled Sam right then and there.

The girls landed in a heap on the floor and they showed no mercy. Sam pulled out a nice bit of Lily's hair after Lily bit her arm. Screaming, Sam flipped her over and landed a good punch to the face. They kept rolling around in a tangled mess, knocking over furniture and beating the heck out of each other. Sirius wasted no time. He knew what he had to do. Being a man of honor and integrity, he immediately started taking bets.

"Do I hear 35 on Evans? Hey! You said you wanted 50 on Potter? Come on people! This is the best catfight this common room has seen in my seven years at Hogwarts! A once in a lifetime opportunity!" He shouted this as Lily and Sam rolled past him as he stood on a chair, in a tangle of arms and legs.

Just then the common room entrance opened and McGonagall walked in.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Now Professor," Sirius started while hiding the wad of money behind his back. "Lily and Sam were simply…doing an interpretive dance. I had nothing to do with it. And whatever you may think, I did not start taking bets."

"Miss Potter, Miss Evans, my office- now!" Lily got up holding her bleeding lip and Sam was nursing her broken nose.

As she began to escort the girls out of the common room, Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. "Whew! That was close."

This statement was immediately followed by an afterthought of McGonagall's, "By the way, Black, detention tomorrow!"

"Crap! But hey! Two more weeks to go and I'll have the record!"

IIIIII McGonagall's office IIIIIIIII

After cleaning up their cuts McGonagall gave them a stern talking-to. "You are seventeen years old and seventh years at that! This is simply unacceptable! I might expect this from a first year but the head girl and a prefect nonetheless!"

"Lily started it!"

"Did not! You called me a skank!"

"Did too! You annoyed me and I wouldn't have called you one if it wasn't the truth."

"Bitch."

"Retard."

"Whore!"

McGonagall looked outraged. "Girls!"

Sam, not satisfied, had to add, "Housewife!"

"Witch!"

"Ooh, that hurt! Score one for you!"

"You little…"

McGonagall had had enough. "Both of you will have detention for a month!"

"A month?!"

"Yes, every night for a month. You are to report to the front hall at eight tonight. You are dismissed."

The girls looked at each other with such malice that they could have turned someone to stone. Lily quickly stood up flounced out the door and Sam turned to follow.

"Oh, and Miss Potter tell your husband he has earned himself a weeks worth of detention."

Before slamming the door Sam announced quite loudly, "HE IS NOT MY HUSBAND! I'm getting a DIVORCE!"

Once the windows stopped rattling, McGonagall sat down to rub her throbbing temples. "What am I going to do with those two?"

IIIIIII Common Room IIIIIIII

"Maddie can you BELIEVE that bitch called me a skank?!? Thanks to her I have a month of detention!" Lily shrieked her complaints to the whole room but it was apparent that it was intended for Sam to hear.

"And Remus, can you believe that skank who calls herself a Gryffindor tackled me and got me a month of detention?"

"She's such an ungrateful little..."

"…Nothing but a stupid wench..."

"Yeah, well, I'd gladly fight her again."

"Yeah, if she ever shouted across the common room she'd gladly fight me again I'd gladly step outside!"

James tried to be the voice of reason so as to avoid another fight but especially so that Gryffindor wouldn't loose some major points. "Don't you guys think this is a little…pointless?"

Both girls turned to him with a loud, "NO!"

"Oh. Okay. … Well then, I think you should head down to detention and try not to rip each others faces off so that we don't loose the cup this year."

James turned to his best friend and whispered. "Now, Sirius, I know this is going to be hard for you but don't let them kill each other. I don't want to have to explain to McGonagall and my mum that my sister and Lily are dead."

"James! I wouldn't do that! I'd stop them after SAM was dead!"

"Padfoot…"

"No, really. I won't let them kill each other before I get the chance to divorce her. Hey! We can have an annulment party AND a wake!"

Before James could respond Sirius skipped out of the portrait hole not wanting to miss anything.

IIIIIII Front Hall IIIIIII

Sam and Lily were facing each other silently throwing daggers with their eyes and Sirius stood in the middle trying, quite fruitlessly to break it up.

"Aw, come on girls! I promised James you can't kill each other until AFTER the divorce!"

"What makes you think YOU'RE divorcing ME? Hell! If anyone's divorcing anyone, I'M divorcing YOU!"

"Oh, no you're not! I'm the man! It's all ME, baby!"

"Sirius Polaris Black, did you just call me BABY?" Sam's anger was now directed full-force towards her brother's friend. And, not knowing what else to do, he back up and stammered quite helplessly. Sam is rather frightening when she's got you backed up against the wall and your only help is her worst enemy and the senile old caretaker.

"Ahh, young love! Soon they'll be ripping each other's eyes out. It's beautiful, that is." Apparently Filch's idea of love was quite morbid.

Sam turned to him with an annoyed, "Shut it, you scuzzy cat-lover."

Filch's response was his famous eye-roll and instructions about their detention. He looked over at Lily who had somehow procured a bottle of nail polish and stood there painting her fingers cherry-red. "This isn't a bea-yoo-ty parlor! Listen up! You're all to be cleaning the Slytherin common room."

"But we'll be killed! They're Savages!" Sirius started to sing, "Savages, savages, barely even human!"

Sam turned and gave him a hard whack in the arm. "Shut up you pansy!"

He smiled. "Now we sound the drums of warrrrrrr!"

The three eventually made their way, grudgingly, of course, to the Slytherin common room. This was probably the highest form of torture. Cleaning is one thing, but doing ANYTHING for the Slytherins, well, Sirius was just hoping he wasn't catching the greasy hair disease that seemed to run rampant in this house.

Sam and Lily assigned Sirius to the windows, hoping he wouldn't do too much damage while they got to scrubbing the carpet- all without magic.

A few minutes later they heard an "Oh, crap!" from Sirius who, had somehow managed to set the curtains on fire. Too shocked to move at first, Lily and Sam just sat there while he tried to pat them out. At that moment Malfoy and Snape chose to walk into the common room.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Black? Trying to kill us all and ruin our common room?" Snape looked quite angry.

Malfoy, who seemed to be the only one with a working brain at that moment, extinguished the flames with an elementary charm.

Sam muttered under her breath, "Show off."

Malfoy somehow heard her from across the room. "What did you just say? Oh, you're asking for a hex, aren't you, Potter?"

"Don't you even dare hex her you… cock-knocker!"

"What, are we standing up for our stupid whore of a girlfriend?"

Sirius looked ready to murder and Lily had to struggle to restrain Sam from beating the stuffing out of Malfoy for his comment. One would think she would be angry that he had called her a whore. But, no, she was more upset that someone had even dared to suggest she might be his girlfriend.

"She's not a whore, unlike you. AND she's not my girlfriend! She's my wife!"

Snape cocked an eyebrow. Apparently the Slytherins weren't given their marriage assignment yet.

IIIIIII Walking back to the common Room IIIIIIII

"Can you believe that Professor McKinley had to walk in while I had Snape in a headlock?" Sirius had just earned himself another month of detention. And right then, his stomach rumbled. "Hey, I'm going to the kitchens," to be polite, he added, " you guys wanna come?"

"No, I'm going straight to bed."

"Yeah," Lily agreed.

The two walked back in silence until, "Hey, um, thanks for…holding me back. I didn't want another month."

"Oh." Lily was a bit taken back by this statement. "Yeah, sure. It looked like you were going to rip off his balls and shove them down his throat."

"Haha, that'd be a neat trick."

Lily laughed. Then after a few moments of silence, she recanted, "I guess I shouldn't have tackled you back there in the common room. Well, I at least should've stopped after I got _one_ punch in."

"Eh, well, its okay. Skanks can get carried away sometimes."

They had to beat the crap out of each other and spend the night on their hands and knees scrubbing a marble floor, but in the end Sam realized Lily was more than just a shallow snob, she was intelligent and polite and Lily saw that Sam was funny and entertaining. And with that, Sam and Lily became friends.

R/R, you know you wanna!


	3. Honeymoons, living rooms, and red balloo...

Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: Well, this came to Megan while she was at work and then evolved into a group effort. We hope it turned out as well as we planned.

A/N 2: We originally started posting this June 2003 and only posted four chapters because we became lazy and busy and lost a lot of our notes. We've been talking about reposting these and finishing it off (so we hope!). Now we're no longer little fan-girls, we are in fact in college, but this story's special to us, so we're going to ignore the fact that this makes us extremely lame and continue with it. Enjoy!

**Chapter 3: Honeymoons, Living Rooms, and Red Balloons**

It was the next day and McGonagall was in the common room with a few announcements. "This will be a Hogsmeade weekend." After the cheering died down she continued. "Now, you are to go to Hogsmeade strictly for this project." A few groans could be heard. "You are to go to the travel agency and plan your honeymoons." The cheers erupted once more. "However, there are to be no honeymoon activities." And again, there were some complaints from the students. "After you plan your honeymoons you need to go shopping for kitchen and living room furnishings. You will be given a budget and a form for both to be filled out accordingly. Be back at the castle by 4:30. The carriages will leave in 15 minutes. That is all."

Once McGonagall left, James turned to Sirius and said, "How was your detention last night?"

Sirius started, "Well after I left the common room…"

When he was finished, James shook his head and said, "Well, Padfoot, I do believe you like my sister."

After Sirius was done looking like a fish he responded, "What?"

"You heard me. You like Sam."

"I do not like your sister! How could you even say that! I mean it's not like I pay attention to her at all. Like, I never even noticed how she always has that one piece of hair in her face and how it annoys her when it falls right back. Nor have I noticed how her eyes twinkle when she smiles…and stop looking at me because I did not just say that!" He paused, suddenly aware of what he just said. "Oh shit. I like your sister." He looked and sounded defeated.

"I told you man," James shook his head. "You've got it bad. You called Malfoy a cock-knocker! Come on," he continued, "Let's get Lily and Sam so we can go to Hogsmeade."

"Um, where are they?"

James turned to Alice Prewett who was sitting with her spouse, Frank Longbottom. "Do you know where Lily and Sam are?"

"I think they're up in the girl's dorm." From the look on James' face she added, "It's okay to go up…they're decent. Or, at least, they should be."

James nodded, and with Sirius right behind him, ascended the girls' staircase. After some searching they found the seventh years' door and knocked.

Some giggling followed. "Come in."

James turned to Sirius. "Doesn't sound like they hate each other. I thought they'd be ripping each other's hair out if they were left alone."

Sirius shrugged. "A tickle-fight?"

They both smiled and James opened the door to reveal their 'wives' lying on their stomachs on Lily's bed each with a copy of 'Witch Weekly.'

"Damn, no tickle-fights," Sirius mumbled earning a slight chuckle from James as he said, "Hey guys, we're going to Hogsmeade to research for our projects. The carriages are here."

"Oh, joy," Sam exclaimed sarcastically, "more quality time with my wonderful husband."

"Damn right I'm wonderful!"

"Shut up you twit."

"Ooh, feisty aren't we?" Sirius said with a playful grin. This comment earned him another smack on the arm. "Ow! That was uncalled for!"

"You deserved it, you ass!"

"Come on, let's go or we'll miss the carriages," Lily said gesturing for them to follow. She smiled at James and said, "Oh, they're lovely together, aren't they?"

"Oh yeah. Those are just Sam and Sirius' terms of endearment."

IIIIIII In the carriage IIIIIII

"Ugh, do I have to sit next to him?" Sam had been complaining all the way down.

"Yes," James replied. "And you'll like it, Samantha Evelyn Potter!"

"No I won't, James Harold Potter! Your best friend is a jerk!"

"Yes, but I'm a handsome jerk!" The rest of the carriage just rolled their eyes. And this continued all the way to Hogsmeade.

IIIIIII Travel Agency IIIIII

"Mr. and Mrs. Potter?" It was their turn to sit down and discuss their honeymoon plans with a travel agent.

Sam and Sirius came out each looking like they had been forced to eat live rats.

"Was it really that bad?" James whispered his comment to Sirius as he and Lily walked towards the office.

Sirius nodded grimly as Sam grabbed his arm hard and tried to drag him out of Magical Getaways Travel Agency. He yelled back over his shoulder, "But hey! At least we get to go to Paris!" And with that, his wife lovingly yanked him out the door.

Lily and James made their way to the back, entered the agents' office and sat down.

"Good afternoon, Mr. and Mrs. Potter. I am John Albright and I will be assisting you in planning your honeymoon. May I see your forms?" James handed him the papers with his salary and their budget. "Now, where would you two _like_ to go?"

Lily piped up. "A tropical island, with lots to see and do." She shot James a look. "Needless to say, I don't want to stay inside all day on my honeymoon."

"Hey," James exclaimed as John chuckled. "I may want to stay inside!"

"Well, Mrs. Potter, with this salary, I think I can grant your wish." He entered something on his Travel Whiz 2000. "For your honeymoon, you will be going to Hawaii." Lily shrieked and he continued. "And for you, Mr. Potter, you will be staying at an all inclusive, four-star hotel. Here is a list of activities. You need to take this and your form and create an itinerary. Here are the cost papers and the list of possible airlines."

"I'm riding first-class for my honeymoon."

"Lily! I can't afford a first-class bus-flight!"

Mr. Albright winked. "Of course you can, Mr. Potter. They've just been discounted."

IIIIIII High Street, Hogsmeade IIIIIIII

"You know, I bet he discounted because he liked you."

"Ew, James, he's way too old and I think he felt sorry for you."

"Well, whatever the reason, we got a discount. Now, Mrs. Potter," James offered her his arm, "I do believe we need to go shopping for our fabulous kitchen."

Lily took the proffered arm and said with a smile, "Okay, Mr. Potter. But if you ever call me Mrs. Potter again I'll rip out your esophagus and beat you with the tonsil end."

"Fair enough."

They walked on and encountered many other couples doing their shopping. Remus and Gwendolyn were getting along quite nicely and their form was almost completed. They waved to Lily and James.

"Say," Remus yelled, "We'll meet you and The Blacks at the Three Broomsticks in an hour!"

"Better not yell that too loud, Sam'll be after your blood with Sirius not too far behind," James called out his warning and Remus and Gwen laughed before continuing to walk.

James and Lily continued on down High Street and soon entered Kitchen Witch to "buy" their kitchen supplies. They had purchased a blender, mixer, pots, pans, and dinnerware when they heard a commotion from the silverware and pots section.

Being two curious people they ventured over and surprisingly, found Sirius backed into a corner and Sam looking furious with a frying pan. "Now, Sam, sweetheart, you can get the blue dishes. I'm stupid; of course alien dishes won't look nice in our blue and yellow kitchen." He said this sounding quite panicked.

"Damn right they won't look nice… What did you call me?" She advanced another step looking even more dangerous.

"Um, I called you…a bitch?"

"That's more like it."

"Um, now, could you please put the cleaver and the pan down?"

"No, I could use them to bash your head in if you call me sweetheart one more time."

"I won't call you sweetheart ever again, honey."

Sam didn't retort. No, she was feeling rather calm. Swinging a frying pan at your husband's head is great therapy. Fortunately, for Sirius, she only managed to break a few dishes. Unfortunately for Sam, McGonagall walked into Kitchen Witch.

"Dear Merlin help me. Miss Potter! What on earth are you doing?"

Sam hid the pan behind her back. "Well, Prof, if you expect me to be married to Sirius we need durable plates, don't you agree? I was testing these alien ones here and they failed! Look at this! They wouldn't last a day in my kitchen! But these blue ones… they're good." She nodded trying to emphasize her point.

Just then Mr. Jackson, the manager walked over. "My dishes! My alien dishes! Oh poor, poor dishes!"

With a wave of her wand McGonagall fixed the plates. "As for durable dishes, Samantha, you ARE a witch. And, I expect you'll know durability once you clean the dinner plates for detention this week."

"Well, Lily, we'll know not to get a frying pan or meat cleaver as the shower gifts…"

"Doesn't look like we'll have to worry about shower gifts at the rate those two are going." Lily picked up a set of utensils. "How do you like these?"

"Eh, they're nice but I like those better. I dunno, I think Padfoot's falling for her…"

"Oh, yeah, I do like these better. These it is! Oh really? He sure doesn't seem like he is."

"Good choice. Oh, I know he is. You don't know him like I do."

Lily raised an eyebrow. It was doubtless that anyone could ever know Sirius as James did.

"And he told me."

Lily chuckled. "I'd have never believed it."

"Well, it's true." He watched Sam drag Sirius out by his ear." Are we done here?"

"Yes, let's head over to Sofa-isticated."

They purchased their living room furniture without too many incidents and then headed over to the Three Broomsticks to meet the rest of the group.

IIIIIIII At the Three Broomsticks IIIIIII

They walked in and immediately spotted their friends in the back corner, they had already ordered and a butterbeer was set out for both James and Lily. Those at the table were engaged in various conversations.

Sam and Remus were carrying on an animated conversation about which was better, the Falmouth Falcons or the Ballycastle Bats. Sam was using her hands to emphasize that the Falmouth Falcons were definitely going to beat the Ballycastle Bats in the match in two weeks. "They have a better seeker. True that the Bats have way better chasers but Briggs is the best in the league!"

"But the Falcons' beaters are on leave and their back-ups suck!"

"Oh dear not this argument again." James sat down in between Remus and Sirius. "Sirius, don't you agree that the Arrows are clearly the best in the league?" Sirius was staring sullenly into his mug. "Ah, shopping didn't go well?"

"Your sister is a loony! She almost knocked my head with a frying pan!"

"Yes, I saw that. But really, Padfoot, those alien dishes were quite terrible."

"I thought they were cute!"

"Um, sure. Say, did you get the new 'Quidditch Weekly'?"

Lily sat down with Gwendolyn and began discussing the new musical group, The Toadstools.

"No, the lead singer is definitely cuter."

"No, deffo the drummer! Come on, Lily! He's just amazing!"

The conversations continued until it was time to head back to the castle and everyone begrudgingly left their mugs behind and walked to where the carriages were waiting.

Remus and Gwendolyn had managed to squeeze into the carriage with Sam, Sirius, Lily, and James.

"I will be designing allll your clothes!" Sam was bent that her job of being a fashion designer was eventually going to come true.

Gwendolyn made a remark without even looking up, "Now that's a scary thought."

"Oh, yeah, and what are yooou gonna be?"

"A pet shop owner."

"But you'll scare the wabbits!"

"And I'll be an Auror," Sirius announced this quite loudly.

"Yeah, well I'm not carting your ass around."

"Aw, Remie's a chauffeur."

"Yeah, and Snape is going to be your fellow Auror."

"No!"

"Yes!"

Lily looked up from her position on James' lap- as there was no room- annoyed. "Would you stop talking about how you all got jobs?"

"Don't worry Lils, you can hang out with Malfoy- he got unemployed."

"Ew, no way I'm hanging out with that scuzzy git."

"Well, I suppose it's better than the jobs your boyfriend and his wife got."

"Ooh, what did that twit get?"

"Door-to-door saleswoman while her hubby is a floo cleaner."

Sam looked up, "What'll you be, Jamsie?"

"Sam, stop calling me Jamsie!" Pulling a face he said, "I'll be in the Accidental Magical Reversal Squad. Load of bullocks."

"Oh, such a shame! You poor thing!"

"Sam, I said SHUT UP!"

Sam just smiled winningly at him.

Remus piped up, "Hey, did anyone hear the job Pete got?"

"No, what?"

Remus chuckled. "He's a popstar."

The group burst into laughter. "You have got to be kidding me, Moony."

"Nope. And Rosy's a tour guide."

"Guess who's gonna be our new Minister of Magic?"

"Diggory!"

"Nope, Quidditch player."

"Skeeter!"

"Secretary."

"It's that idiot Fudge."

IIIIIII Common Room- a few days later IIIIIII

"So what're you getting Lily for her birthday?" Sam asked her brother.

"Just you wait."

"Ooh! The suspense is killing me!" she countered sarcastically.

The Gryffindors had been planning a party for days. The problem was getting Lily to leave long enough for them to decorate. They left it to Sam to come up with the brilliant idea, though that may not have been a good choice.

"Hey Lils, there's a frog in this classroom and I can't get rid of it. Will you come help me?" Remus eyed Sam from behind Lily as if to say 'What the hell are you doing?'

Lily looked confused, "Um…okay, I guess."

"Cool beans!" Sam exclaimed and frolicked out the door with Lily following behind.

When the portrait hole swung closed, Remus shook his head. "A frog in a classroom?"

"Only Sam could convince someone to help her get a frog out of a classroom without any questions." James stated with a grin. He conjured a box of decorations. "Let's get started, Moony. God only knows how long it'll take to banish the frog."

"Sam! There is NO frog in here! I still don't understand why you need me to help get rid of a frog… it probably hopped away, anyways. I'm leaving."

"NO!" Lily looked quite surprised by this outburst and turned to look at Sam as she floundered helplessly for words. "Um…I mean…we have to find it…um…he's my friend! Yeah, my frog friend named…um…Jeremy!"

"Okay, okay." Lily agreed but still looked at Sam as though she was touched in the head.

"Thank you, thank you," Sam said cheerily as they continued their search for the frog.

James stood on Sirius' shoulders trying to hang up some streamers without falling. So far they had managed quite nicely. Remus was blowing up red balloons with his wand. All of a sudden shouts could be heard from the other side of the portrait hole which caused James to fall from Sirius' shoulders with an, "Oh, crap!"

"DAMN, I WISH WE FOUND MY FRIEND, JEREMY, THE FROG THAT WAS IN THE CLASSROOM! I THINK WE SHOULD GO BACK AND LOOK SOME MORE!!"

"You prat, I am not looking for that frog any longer. And stop screaming! You're gonna make me go deaf!

Remus threw the remaining decorations behind a chair as everyone else scrambled to hide.

"LILY! We should stop and chat with the fat lady a while…we don't do that often!"

"I'll give her the password and that's it! Gobbleschmobs."

"Party pooper!"

"Oh, shut up!"

"But really…" Sam was cut off when the portrait swung open and Lily was greeted with a deafening, "SURPRISE!!!"

Lily looked slightly taken aback. She turned to Sam with a smile and said, "A frog? Is that the best you could do?"

Sam shrugged. "It worked didn't it?"

"Well, I suppose…"

Remus interrupted. "Are you gonna join the party or not? You ARE the guest of honor."

"Oh, yes, there is a surprise party going on, isn't there?"

They sat Lily down and sang a rousing rendition of "Happy Birthday" in which Sirius added his own creative, and no doubt, crude lyrics.

Lily was about to cut into the rather lovely cake and distribute pieces to her fellow Gryffindors, when Sirius yelled, "Why do we have to cut it? Let's just dig in!"

Somehow, a glob of cake managed to find its way to Sam's face and before long there was an all-out war that eventually included dung-bombs, red water balloons, and various food products.

Eventually, it was time to open presents. Lily sat perched on an overstuffed armchair unable to hide her excitement at the prospective gifts.

After opening a few presents she came to Sam's. Lily smiled at her, excited to see what it was. She tore off the wrapping paper with a hurry.

"Um. A spatula? Thank you?"

"Well, I thought it was a nice red color… and, well, I didn't know what to get you so I bought it at Kitchen Witch before we got kicked out because of the plate thing."

"It's a very nice thought, thank you, Sam. I can use it at home to cook… stuff."

Sam smiled proudly as Remus rolled his eyes.

"My turn!!" Sirius yelled as he plopped his present down on her lap. She took the present out of the bag and found, beneath the folds of tissue paper, a meat cleaver.

"Oh, well. You two expect me to do some cooking, then?"

"No, well I just thought it was cool. Well, before Sam tried to bash my head in with it a few times. You can hit stuff with it. Just don't hit me."

"Yeah, thanks for the advice, and I'll try not to use it on you."

Eamon had given her an autographed photo of himself telling her that way she could always be reminded of how good looking he is. "Yes, how…sweet."

He stood up, "Well, I'd love to stay and chat and all, but you know, it's time for my daily workout. See ya, Lils." He bent down for a kiss.

"Um, yeah. Are you sure you won't stay? It _is_ my birthday. Only comes but once a year and all that!"

"Hon, you know I gotta work out. I told you."

"Yeah. Right. See you then." And he kissed her on the cheek and left the room. Lily looked a bit disappointed but quickly put a smile on for the rest of the group.

The next gift was from James. It looked quite small and she was skeptical of what it might contain. She took off the bow and the paper, and opened the small box. Inside was a necklace with a delicate diamond lily pendant. She started at it, openmouthed for a few moments, hardly believing her eyes. She looked up at him and broke into a genuine smile. "Thank you, James. I hardly know what to say! It's beautiful."

"Well, I just thought you might like it."

She smiled and he reached around and fastened the clasp on her necklace. "There."

"It's perfect."

Remus gave her a book she had wanted on special Charms and Peter gave her a hair pin he had found in Hogsmede. She received some other very thoughtful gifts. They didn't retire to bed until rather late, Lily smiling the whole while as she mindlessly toyed with her new necklace.

All in all, Lily Evans definitely had a most memorable 17th birthday party.

Go review, already!


	4. Picture Frames, Babies' Names, and Quidd...

Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: Well, this came to Megan while she was at work and then evolved into a group effort. We hope it turned out as well as we planned.

A/N 2: We originally started posting this June 2003 and only posted four chapters because we became lazy and busy and lost a lot of our notes. We've been talking about reposting these and finishing it off (so we hope!). Now we're no longer little fan-girls, we are in fact in college, but this story's special to us, so we're going to ignore the fact that this makes us extremely lame and continue with it. Enjoy!

**Chapter 4: Picture Frames, Babies' Names, and Quidditch Games **

Lily and James were walking down High Street once again searching for furniture. They had already purchased their bedroom furniture and were hearing over to Stork Dork for the nursery as they were "expecting" their children in two days.

Just as James was telling Lily about his brilliant plays for the Quidditch game, him being captain, one of the Gryffindor beaters and his wife were walking towards them. Sirius was talking excitedly about the Arrows when Sam turned to him, annoyed.

"If I throw a stick, will you go fetch it?"

Sirius flow of speech stopped and he grinned at her and said, "Whatever are you implying Sam?" Sam just smiled and continued walking while Sirius walked along behind her, head down, still muttering something about stupid Falcons and amazing Arrows. As he was walking absentmindedly, he slammed right into Lily, knocking her to the ground.

Lily sat up, took the hand James offered to pull her up and said, "God, Black, want to watch where you're going?"

"Sorry, Lils."

"Where're you headed?" James asked as Lily brushed herself off.

"Stork Dork," Sam replied and Lily looked up.

"Oh, good, we get to hear you two bicker some more."

IIIIIII Stork Dork IIIIIII

"Oh, James, don't you think this is just darling?"

"Um…yeah…sure. Are we gonna be much longer?"

"Oh, hush up you ninny. Here, hold my purse."

"But…I…purse…I don't…not here!"

"Aw, James, finally coming out of the closet, are we?" Sirius asked with a grin as he walked into the décor isle, playing with one of the baby toys.

"Shut it, Padfoot."

"No, really. I support you, Prongs. I do. Don't be ashamed, my good man!"

"Sirius, you are seriously the biggest dolt in the world."

Sam came up behind Sirius and rammed a stroller into his heels. He wheeled around to face her and yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing, woman?"

She smiled with mock sweetness. "Oh, honey, I thought you might want to help me out with the shopping! I'm not doing this for my health, you know."

"Oh, James! We _must_ get these picture frames! They're oh, so, perfect for the nursery!"

"Lily! We haven't go the money to spend on frivolous things such as picture frames!"

"Ooh, is Prongsie learning big words like 'frivolous'?" Sirius taunted, still rubbing his heel. James just whacked him upside the head. "Like you can string two words together, Padfoot. C'mon, Lily, lets check out. McGonagall wants us back in fifteen minutes." Lily and James waved and left the other two to their last minute shopping.

Sam gave Sirius and withering glare, "Let's go you! We still need to pick out a crib and a rocker. And would you put that damn stuffed tiger down! You cannot bring back Mr. Fuzzles, he's gone!"

"Yeah, well he would still be here if it wasn't for _you_! And besides, I'm a grown man! I can do whatever I want- and I want to play with this magenta tiger like he was my long-lost childhood friend!"

"It's pink. Let's GO!" and to emphasize her point, she rammed the stroller into his heels again and stalked over to the crib section.

He yelled at her retreating form, "HE IS NOT PINK!" And then in a whisper he said to the tiger, "It's okay, Mr. Fuzzles," stroking the doll. "Don't worry. She can't hurt you now."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

The next day, McGonagall stood in the common room once again with announcements. "Now, you should all have planned your honeymoons, and 'bought' all of your furnishings. Tomorrow, you shall receive your children. Now, some of you may have one child while others may have multiple children. You do not get to change the number of children nor their gender, but you _do_ decide their names.

"We have taken baby dolls and placed animation spell on them. What that means is, these babies will act as if they're alive. They will cry, they will eat, they will sleep, they will need attention, and they will make messes and generally behave as babies do. They must never leave your sight. Gentlemen, you are to _help_ your wives." Some groans could be heard. "This is a group project. You will grade each other on your capabilities on raising a child.

"There is also a tracking charm placed on the babies so we, the teachers, will be informed of any negligence. Any questions?"

James sighed. "Man, this is gonna be harder than I thought…"

"Yes, Mr. Potter, raising children is not an easy task. However, we decided we should give you children a break and there is a ball planned for the seventh years on Halloween night. It is only opened to seventh years so you may not ask underclassmen to the dance. Your children will be placed under the care of our resident day-care worker, Professor McKinley."

"Oh, no," Lily mumbled so that McGonagall wouldn't hear. "No way am I leaving my child in the care of that…woman!"

IIIIIII McGonagall's Classroom- next day IIIIIII

"Now, I will call you up, couple by couple. You will come up to my desk, and I will inform you of the sex of your baby. After everyone knows what they will have, I will hand out your charges. Mr. Black, Miss Potter."

Sam and Sirius approached McGonagall's desk as if it may swallow them whole if they got too close.

"Congratulations! Twins. A boy and a girl."

Sirius jumped back. "Twins! That's an insult to my masculinity!"

Sam whacked him while the class laughed. "You dolt! It's not an insult!"

"Oh, right…I knew that."

McGonagall rolled her eyes. "I certainly fear for any child that may happen to find its way into your care."

Sirius looked proud. "Why thank you!" Then his face fell as he registered her words. "Wait, that was insult!…wasn't it?"

"Yes, Mr. Black, it was. Now, please, for the love of all things holy, sit down…Mr. Lupin, Miss Humphreys."

IIIIIII Common Room IIIIIII

"Why do we have to have one of each?"

"Oh, please do shut up, Padfoot."

Sirius crossed his arms and pretended to pout, but stopped when Sam threw a pillow in his face.

"Come on! We have to name them. And quit whining."

"How about Spam and Spearius!"

"Spam and Spearius? Adding 'p's to your names doesn't count as 'naming.'"

"Oh really, Prongs? Well it says so in the 'Big Book of Nomenclature!'"

"There is no such thing as the 'Big Book of Nomenclature!'"

"Then I think I shall write it!"

Needless to say the Gryffindors were having quite a time of providing names for the 'children.' Most of the boys weren't helping, providing silly names such as Spam and Spearius. The girls were becoming quite annoyed. Well, except for Gwendolyn whose husband had provided quite sensible names such as Joseph, Robert, and Brian.

"Lily, how about Tawanda?"

"No, James, Maura! I want to name her Maura!"

"Oh, come on, how about…Pencilia? Or Cupola! Or maybe Puppy!"

"I am **not **naming my daughter _Puppy_!"

"You know, I wish we had a boy! Cause then we could name him James Junior!"

"Hahahahaha, then he'd be JJ!"

"Shut up Sirius! No way, James, if we had a boy I would never name him James Junior!"

"Why not?!"

"Because I wouldn't. If we had a boy, we'd name him something… regal. Something…enduring. Something like…Harry!"

"Harry?! Ha! You must be joking! Harry Potter? No, no, I'll take Maura any day!"

"Fine then. Maura it is."

James glared at her for having tricked him and she simply smiled in triumph.

On naming their triplets, Lauren had given up with Eamon and had agreed to Spartacus and Felix if he let their daughter be named Morgan.

Remus and Gwendolyn had settled on John after Remus' middle name and Peter's daughter became Pandora.

Alice and Frank had named their son Gregory. Mundungus insisted his son be named Binster but Sarah had taken to calling the child Matthew. And though they fought for nearly two days, Sam and Sirius' twins were named Maggie and Ryan.

IIIIIIII Great Hall- Breakfast a week later IIIIIII

Sirius was trying to put eggs on his plate while he held Maggie on his lap. Lily was happily feeding Maura some applesauce, clearly taking well to motherhood despite her prissy nature. Sam, however, was not faring as well as her friend; so much so, Lily sometimes 'baby-sat' the twins at odd times to relieve their poor mother. The surprising thing was how well Sirius was taking to being a father. He changed diapers without complaint, something most of the guys weren't too keen on doing; he also fed the babies and loved entertaining them.

It seemed as though Sirius and James had switched bodies for the child-rearing part. James was a very attentive husband and did everything efficiently. Unfortunately, he was no more competent in being a father than Peter was at brewing potions.

Ryan has stuck his hands in the applesauce and Sam was completely oblivious.

"Oh, Ryan, honey, get out of there!" Lily was cleaning up the mess as Ryan giggled, bringing Sam back to earth.

"Oh! What are you doing you baby?" She whined. "Did your father teach you that?" Sam began to help Lily, whipping down the table as Lily worked on Ryan's messy hands and face. "I'm a useless mother!" Sam declared, throwing down her napkin.

Sirius looked up from where he was feeding Maggie bits of eggs. "Oh, come on Sam, no you're not!" Ryan pulled her hair and giggled as she managed a half smile at Sirius. "They aren't dead _yet_!"

It was Saturday and the seventh years were sprawled all over the common room trying to finish their homework while keeping an eye on the babies. Sirius looked up from his spot on the couch where he and Sam were working on their Care of Magical Creatures homework together and getting along quite nicely. "So, James…you gonna try that new move at the game tomorrow?"

"Well, I've been thinking about it."

Lily turned her head to look at James who was perched on the arm of her chair. "So, do you think we may get the cup this year?"

"I think we just may steal it from those slimy gits."

"They'll never know what hit 'em if you implement that "Superduperawesomegreat Flippy Doodle!"

"Yeah, I know. But remind me again, why I let you name the moves, Padfoot?"

"Oh, that's just because I'm superduperawesomegreat."

IIIIIII Breakfast – the next morning IIIIIIIII

"Come on, Jamsie! You need to eat _something_!"

"Lily, I'm fine! I'm fine!" She had been bugging him to eat for a half an hour. "And don't call me Jamsie!"

"Yeah, Lily, shouldn't you really be feeding Maura?"

"Thanks, Remus. Thought she'd never leave me alone." James smiled and Lily playfully smacked him in the arm before turning back to her daughter.

Sam was sitting opposite James with Maggie and Ryan in her lap. She looked quite lost. Ryan was pulling Remus' tie and Maggie had spilt a goblet of pumpkin juice. Just then, Sirius came in as Remus wrestled his tie out of Ryan's vice-like grip and Sam let out a yell of frustration. Sirius sat down next to Sam, grabbed Maggie, mopped up the spilt juice and gave Ryan his peas and carrots like a pro.

Remus looked a Sirius and with a small smile said, "Thank God you're here. I've had peas flung at me left and right."

"I'm a complete failure," came the mumbled statement from behind Sam's hands.

Sirius pulled her hands away from her face and looked her in the eyes. "You're not a failure, darling, you're very competent." Sam smiled. "…At hexing me."

James stood up quickly before Sam could whack Sirius with Maggie's bottle. "Come on, I think we'd better get to the pitch." The team stood up and moved out the door and when Sirius looked back, Sam was, oddly enough, smiling at him.

IIIIIII Down to the Pitch IIIIIII

Sam handed Remus Maggie and Ryan so she could go commentate the match.

As he was walking away with Gwendolyn, Lily turned to Sam. "What was that about?"

"I have to commentate and I can't have the twins-"

"No! Back in the Great Hall. With Sirius."

Sam smiled and turned to walk towards the commentator's box. "I'm not entirely sure I know what you're talking about…"

Lily smiled, "Yeah, that's what I thought." Sam, still smiling, shook her head and walked to the box.

IIIIIII Gryffindor Locker Room IIIIIII

The team was busy putting on their gear when James stopped a rather cheeky looking Sirius. "Well, now, how'd you manage to not get yourself hexed back there?"

"I'm not quite sure, but whatever it was, I'm glad I did it."

James shook his head and smacked Sirius' shoulder. "Whatever, mate." Then he addressed the team who was done suiting up. "Now, let's go kick some Slytherin ass!"

The crowds cheered as the team walked onto the field. Sam's voice thundered through the stadium. "And now! The Gryffindor team! Captain James Potter, Chasers Beth McDermott, and Sarah Adams, Seeker Joshua Mills, Keeper Mia Turkey, and our Beaters 'Ole Dungy, and my dolt of a husband, Sirius Black!"

Sirius looked up and waved to her and she returned the gesture before continuing half-heartedly. "And now, the Slytherin dirtballs!"

"Potter!" McGonagall sat in the box with Sam making sure she kept it clean.

"Okay, Okay, I take it back, they're not dirtballs…they're just not too familiar with the showering process." McGonagall glared at Sam as she grinned and continued, "Captain Malfoy, Chasers Zambini, Snape, and Sam Foote, Keeper Johnson, and Beaters Parkinson and Abernathy."

The captains shook hands, if somewhat grudgingly, and the teams mounted their brooms.

"And they're off! Potter's got the quaffle! He passes to Adams. Adams flies up the field. She shoots…

"Come on Sarah! She SCORES! Wahoo! Gryffindors up 10 points to nothing! Haha! Take that you dirtballs! I mean, um…you…unclean things!

"McDermott takes the quaffle…Parkinson whacks the hell outta that bludger…Damn it! Beth drops the quaffle and Malfoy takes possession…And…

"Woah! Where the hell did that come from you cheating piece of shit?!"

McGonagall was too concerned with what had happened to reprimand Sam. Tracy Abernathy had hit a bludger directly at Sirius causing him to fall off his broom. The whole stadium watched with bated breath as he hit the ground with a sickening thud. Sam was wildly yelling obscenities as McGonagall went down to lead him off the field. The game continued with a vengeance from the Gryffindor side.

IIIIII 3 Hours Later IIIIII

The score was 190-140 Gryffindor ahead. Sam's voice was growing hoarse. Sirius was back in the game only suffering from a broken arm and a few bruises, which were quickly healed by Madam Pomfrey.

"Zambini goes in for another goal…he shoots but Mia blocks it! Potter in possession again, but wait! –Is that the snitch? Yes! It is! Foote dives for it, but Joshua Mills of Gryffindor is way ahead of him!"

The whole stadium was on its feet watching in anxious anticipation when suddenly-

"Mills catches the snitch! 150 points to Gryffindor! Gryffindor wins the game!"

Sam and McGonagall jumped up and hugged each other while the Gryffindor team did victory flips before landing on the field while the whole school flowed out of the stands.

Sirius yelled out, eyes bright with happiness, "Party in the Gryffindor common room!"

McGonagall didn't even bother to object.

IIIIIII Gryffindor Common Room- later that night IIIIIII

After the Quidditch game, the Gryffindors were having quite a time of celebrating their victory with a party.

Sirius had gotten out some butterbeer and with a yell of glee, he shook a bottle and the amber liquid sprayed all over the nearest person, which happened to be Sam. After a few moments of spluttering and wiping her eyes, Sam jumped up and began chasing Sirius around the common room laughing and shouting. Sirius ran towards the portrait but before he could get there, Sam tackled him and they both fell to the floor laughing.

Once they were able to stand, Sirius led her out of the common room without a word to the rest of his housemates who were too caught up in their partying to notice the absence of only two other people.

"Sirius- what are-"

He turned towards her with a very solemn face. "Sam, will you go to the ball with me?"

Sam looked as if her answering pained her. "Sirius, I can't-"

"I promise not to buy anymore alien dishes if you go with me."

She looked at him with a serious face and replied, "Well…"

A/N: We're working on a short little vignette titled, at the moment (this may change) 'The Iron Chef' a nice little short piece over Christmas break with the gang that we hope with produce a few laughs.

Before the idea for this fic was even conceived, we started a Marauders singing contest. We've written a hilarious chapter and have a few ideas. So, any suggestions for songs will be appreciated and considered (we can't guarantee to do all songs

REVIEW, PLEASE?!!?

Thanks! Hope you enjoyed!


	5. Frocks, Jocks, and WarLocks

Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: Well, this came to Megan while she was at work and then evolved into a group effort. We hope it turned out as well as we planned.

A/N 2: We originally started posting this June 2003 and only posted four chapters because we became lazy and busy and lost a lot of our notes. We've been talking about reposting these and finishing it off (so we hope!). Now we're no longer little fan-girls, we are in fact in college, but this story's special to us, so we're going to ignore the fact that this makes us extremely lame and continue with it. Enjoy!

**Chapter 5: Frocks, Jocks and War-Locks**

Lily and James sat in the common room a week after the Quidditch game, Lily trying to teach James how to change Maura's diaper.

"Lily, face it, I'm a terrible father!"

"Oh hush. Does whining about your parenting skills run in your family?"

"Considering how we were raised, yes."

"Well, fine. Now listen, first you place the new diaper underneath. Then you powder, but not too much. Then you take it like this and pin. Now you try."

The baby was now getting chaffed from so much powder and James wasn't faring much better.

"Can't I just duct tape it on?"

At that moment Sirius stomped through the portrait hole and plopped onto the couch next to them.

"She still said no!"

"Sirius, just give up!"

"No, I'm telling you! I will NOT stop asking her until she says yes! I mean it!" And with that he stomped out the way he came.

James shook his head, "I don't know who's more stubborn, him or my sister."

"Alright daddy, you still need to know this, duct tape or not."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

The Gryffindors made their way to the dungeons for a double cooking class with the Slytherins. Lily shifted Maura on her hip, the duct tape crinkling. Sam and Remus walked ahead as Sam could no longer take Sirius and frankly, Remus couldn't either.

As they walked in, Professor McKinley swept her hawk-like gaze over them. "Stop dawdling! Take your seats so we can begin!"

Sam pulled out a chair next to Remus, "Jeeze! What crawled up HER butt and died!"

Remus chuckled to himself as Sirius sent a note flying towards him. His aim was off and it hit Sam in the back of the head. She turned around and gave him a death glare and Remus unfolded the note.

Moony!

Ask her again! Make her say yes!

"I am NOT asking her!"

Sam turned again, annoyed, "You twit! Stop dragging your friends into this! The answer is still no!"

McKinley chose that moment to walk over. "Even though your love life is so interesting to the rest of us, class must begin. Black, I guess you'd like to share with us the incantation for cooking meat."

"Um, no, not really. I mean, I would so love to, Professor! But I uh, broke my wand arm, uh, picking up your wonderful text book to study."

"And your broken arm prevents you from telling us… how?"

"Well, uh, you see," he started to whisper, "I have odd bouts of laryngitis. Quite unpredictable, you see. So sorry about that."

"I see. Detention tomorrow. Anyone else?"

Malfoy raised his hand, McKinley smiled, "Yes Lucius?"

"The incantation is Fair Viande!"

"Correct. 5 points to Slytherin. Now…"

"Stupid cock-knocker," Sirius muttered, his laryngitis clearly gone.

IIIIIIII a few moments later IIIIIIII

Sam and Remus were paired up trying to make meatloaf and were only succeeding because Remus knew what he was doing.

"Sam please! Just say yes! Go with me!"

Sam ignored Sirius and finished grating carrots.

Remus looked up with tears in his eyes. "You're breaking his heart! Why can't you say yes?" He wiped his eyes and went back to cutting onions.

She shook her head. "Breaking his heart? That's going a little far, Rem. Like he has a heart. Why won't I say yes? I'll tell you why I won't say yes! Oh I'll tell you! I'll tell you alright!"

"You really don't know why, do you?

"No! I know perfectly well why! It's because… because… okay! I don't really… know, per say."

"See! I knew it! Pass me that tissue? If you don't know why, why not say yes already?"

She handed him a tissue and added the carrots to the bowl. "Because… I'm scared. It's weird. Sirius and I have been torturing each other forever, ever since we could pour dirt in each other's diapers. We're not supposed to be civil let alone almost dating! It's against the laws of nature!"

"Samantha, times change. People grow up, even Sirius. You think- both of you think- you're hiding it but you're not! You like each other! You always have. Maybe even when you were pouring dirt in each other's diapers! I've known it, James has known it, hell, even Wormtail picked up on it! You're scared of something you've known your whole life? Scared of what we all think is your destiny? I thought you were smarter than that! Maybe not Padfoot, but you must be! Just say yes! For your sake, for his sake, for all of our sakes! James and I have lost nights sleep from all his complaining, our appetites from his grand schemes to win you over and we're frankly ready to kill him."

"You're right, Rem. You're always right. I AM smarter than him."

Remus shook his head. "Faire Viande!"

IIIIIIIIIII

They were walking out of cooking when Sam stopped Sirius. "Listen, Black, you stalker. I've done some thinking and Remus has done some crying and I'll go."

He cupped his ear, "What was that? I don't believe I caught that!"

"I said yes! Yes already, I'll go you prick." She started to smile despite herself.

"Say it again."

"No, that's enough."

Sirius clapped a frightened first year on the back. "She said yes!"

Malfoy and Snape sauntered over. "Aw, Black, spending time with you wittle girlfriend? Oh Potter! I wuv you! Will you go to the stupid wittle ball with me?"

Snape chuckled.

"Shove off, Malfoy."

"Oh! What are you gonna do to me, 'cock-knocker'?"

"Kill you, you mamby pamby suck up. What are you gonna do, bake me in a soufflé?"

"Oh you little Muggle-lover!"

"Oh, that hurt you slimy git!"

Malfoy swung at Sirius' head while Sirius got him in a headlock. They were yelling and throwing punches, Sam trying to break it up with a, "Get the hell off him, Malfoy!"

McKinley walked out hearing the racket. "Black! Malfoy! Detention! Now get out of my sight!"

Malfoy gave Sirius a last glare as he pinched his bleeding nose and walked away.

Sam helped Sirius up. "Let's get you to the nurse."

IIIIIIIIIIII

Lily was sitting on Eamon's lap in the common room giggling at Eamon's impression of a poor first year who had spilled his ink all over his robes. The poor boy, Mark, was scowling in the corner, wiping his glasses off to no avail. Sam stood up, shooting a glare a Lily and her meathead boyfriend as she performed a simple cleaning charm for Mark. He thanked her and still scowling at the giggling couple; he grabbed his books and stalked up the stairs.

Lily took no notice of either Mark or Sam and laughed even harder as Eamon tickled her. A few minutes later Lily fed him a chocolate frog and chuckled.

"Hey babe, you like my new product? It really gives my hair that suave look, yeah?"

She nodded, "Mhmmm. Much better than that War-Locks stuff."

Across the room, Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus and whispered, "His hair always freakin' looks the same!"

Remus shook his head, "Got me."

"Yeah, babe, it like does this like, wave thing here, ya know?"

"Yeah, and that piece has like this flippy thing."

"Yeah! See, that's why I date you!" He kissed her.

Sam grunted, "One. Ew. Two. How is this conversation any bit interesting?"

James sighed, "I will never understand."

Sirius smiled. "That's 'cause your hair only looks one way- like it's never been brushed."

"Shut up, Padfoot."

"Alright, babe, I gotta work out." He stood up quickly and Lily fell to the ground in a heap. "Sorry, darling, should watch yourself." And with that he stepped over her to get to the portrait hole.

"Aren't you gonna help me up?"

"Sorry, places to be!" And he left without turning back.

Lily quickly stood up as James moved to help her. She flashed a weak smile at him and did a nervous chuckle. "Oh, I'm fine, heh. You know Eamon." She ducked around him and dashed up the girls' stairs leaving James standing in the middle of the common room.

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Jimmy boy, you NEED to get a date to that ball, man! It's next week."

James flopped onto his bed, "Stop it with the pet names, Sirius. And I KNOW already."

"Well then, who's it gonna be? Some of those Ravenclaw chicks are after you…"

James sighed, "Yeah…"

Remus broke in, "'Cause they aren't who you WANT to take."

James sat up, Sirius asked, "Well then, Prongsie, if you got someone in mind, why dontcha ASK her?"

"Lily! Why are you still with that dunderhead?"

"Sam, just SHUT UP, okay?"

"No! I will not! You… you… you're with him and you turn into this… snob!"

"Sam!"

"Let me finish! You sit there and laugh at poor Mark Guyly when he's done nothing! He's a first year! And that idiot bumps into him, sending his books everywhere and his ink spilled all over him! And you sat there and LAUGHED! You know, when I beat the crap out of you it was because I thought you were shallow and stuck up and then you weren't. You were funny and nice and now you're just what I thought of you in the beginning!"

"Sam, I just-"

"NO!" James yelled, "It's not Beverly Forge! I don't want to take that blimp to the dance! Just drop it!"

"Why 'ol Prongsie?"

Remus interrupted, "I know who he wants to take."

"Ergg! Why do YOU always get to know EVERTHING, Moony?"

"Because I actually pay attention, Padfoot."

"It's… Lily… Look, you can ruin your life all you want dating that jerkoff Eamon, but I'll be damned if you make other people feel like crap, okay? You could do so much better than that idiot, but whatever. Just don't make me beat the crap out of you again, okay? I don't need another detention."

Lily smiled. "No, you're right, and I'm sorry. And I'll apologize to Mark, I was being stupid. And I think you'd like Eamon if you just gave him a chance."

Sam shot Lily a look and went back to putting her clothes away. "Lil, I don't talk to anything with less intelligence than a banana peel."

"You talk to Sirius."

"Good point, James, Mandy Tonselbane DOES look like a flamingo with a snaggletooth!"

Remus shook his head and chuckled. Peter chose that moment to walk in. "Hey guys, what's so funny?"

Sirius walked over and put his arm around the shorter boy, "Wormtail, buddy, who do you think James should take to the dance?"

"Uhh... I dunno. How about that Belinda Miser?"

Sirius pulled a face, "A Slytherin? Pete, you nuts? No, I was saying he should take Penny Lonebungle. Now she's attractive."

"Who do you think James should take, Remus?" Peter asked bending over to look under his bed for his potions homework.

"I think James should take whomever he wants to take." And with that he walked out. James flopped backwards onto the bed.

"Dances seriously suck."

"Oh, you're just a party pooper, Prongsie."

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Padfoot, would you kindly GET OFF MY FOOT!"

"Whoops, sorry Prongsie, kind of hard to see since Peter broke the lamp!"

"Oh, do none of you have a working brain? Lumos!"

"And that is why we keep you around, Moony."

"Yeah, well, whatever, let's just get this over with, shall we?"

"Right. Pureblood." The four Marauders stepped into the Slytherin common room and tiptoed across the room. James put the cloak back in his pocket and tapped the map, "Mischief Managed!"

"Alright, everyone know what they're doing?"

"YES!" The other three hissed at once.

"Jeeze, don't get so huffy about it."

"You've only reminded us a dozen times, Padfoot."

"Can't be too careful with these things! Pranks can go awry easily!"

"Just shut up and get to it! You don't want to wake the gits up, do you?"

"Right then, man your stations men!"

Remus shook his head and started up the stairs with James while Sirius and Peter stayed in the common room.

IIIIIIIIIIII

The next morning, our favorite Gryffindors were sitting down enjoying breakfast when James looked up and almost choked on his eggs. Malfoy and Snape hobbled into the Great Hall. They were stuck together from the waist down as if they were competing in a three-legged race and they were covered with soot. They looked as if they were ready to murder a certain group of boys. They shuffled over to the Gryffindor table amidst the laughter ringing throughout the hall and stopped in front of Sirius who smiled winningly up at them.

"Oh hello there! My, I can see you two have gotten rather close! Haven't they become close, Jamesie?"

"Oh, quite right, Sirius. Why, you'd think they were attached!"

"Black…" Malfoy began menacingly.

"Yes, yes," he waved at them. "What can I do for you, gentlemen?"

Malfoy sneered down at Sirius. "Black, you four better watch your backs. A coughing fireplace and insulting couches in the common room are not-"

"Oh, yes, I noticed Slytherin looked a bit dirtier than usual. How unfortunate, you guys don't normally shower for another week!"

"Oh, Padfoot, I thought it was another two weeks!"

"Oh, yes, right you are, James. So sorry."

"You just wait, you four. We'll get you back for this."

"Yes, I'm sure you will, you and your little boyfriend there. Well now, carry on! Wouldn't want to miss breakfast!"

If looks could kill… Malfoy and Snape made their way over to the table, unable to agree on which direction to go. They ended up tripping over a table leg and went sprawling across the floor. This caused the Marauders to chuckle even more behind their toast as the two Slytherins stood up and bickered all the way over to their seats.

Sam looked more than annoyed, Sirius looked up at her and then frowned, "What in the world is your-"

Sam let out something between a growl and a yell. "You guys didn't invite me! I told you I wanted in on all your pranks!" She reached across and smacked James upside the head.

"Ow! You know we can't all fit under the cloak! God."

Sam stood up, clearly miffed and as she left she threw a jelly legs jinx at Sirius and a laughing charm at James over her shoulder.

James choked out from his fit of hysterics, "She's… totally…completely….the…mad…hatter…I…swear..."

Sirius looked up from his spot on the floor, "Right you are, Jimbo, a complete and total loony." And he looked lovingly towards the door through which she had left moments before.

A while later, after they had righted themselves and finished their breakfast, while they were heading out of the hall to class, they overheard Snape and Malfoy fruitlessly trying to tell their friends that it wasn't what it looked like.

"Are you two dating?"

"No, we're-"

"Like god, can't you leave Lucius alone for a minute, Severus?"

"Yeah, you're always up his butt."

"But I-"

The Marauders just chuckled silently to themselves as they set out for charms, nearly colliding with a soot-covered Slytherin first year who was muttering about a sofa and how it told him to lay off the chocolate frogs.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Later that day, Lauren Carlson cornered James outside the Charms classroom.

"Hey James," she said in a weirdly thick voice.

"Erm, yeah, hello there." And he tried to move quickly past her.

"Oh, where're you headed?"

"Um, on to my next class. Er, do you have something in your eye?"

"No, what makes you say that?"

"Oh, er, nothing. You want something?"

"Why, James, can't I innocently stop you in the hallway to chat?"

"Er, well, seeing how you haven't ever done that in the past six years, and I'm late for Divination..."

"Oh, James." She swatted his arm and giggled nervously.

"So, I'll be seeing you?"

"Oh, well, you know, do you have a date yet?"

"A what?"

"A date. For the ball. On Halloween."

"Yes, I know when the ball is. Well, I, er, well, no."

"Well then, I guess you've just found your date. Lucky you." And she slinked off throwing him odd looks over her shoulder.

He stood in the hallway, quite confused, and then shook himself and went on to Divination muttering about weird girls and balls.

"Not a good sign to be talking to yourself, young squire!"

"Oh, shove it, Sir Cadogan. … Paintings! Think they can barge right in-"

"Mr. Potter, take your seat, I foresaw that you would be late."

"Loony old bat," he muttered to Sirius who chortled and passed him a tea cup.

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Uh, so, I've got a date to the ball…"

"Good on you, James!" Remus said smiling. "You finally ask her?"

"Erm, well, no."

Sirius cocked an eyebrow, "She didn't fall out of the sky, did she? How do you have a date if you didn't ask her?"

James sighed and threw his books on his trunk. "I didn't ask her, she asked me..."

Remus looked confused, "Well, that doesn't seem very much like her, I didn't think she'd be so forward, I mean Li-"

"…cornered me outside of Charms..."

"Wow, that's a side I've never seen of L-"

"Who IS it already?!" Sirius bellowed.

"Lauren Carlson, Padfoot."

Remus clearly was not expecting this answer, "What? But she- she's not-"

James sent Remus a glare, "Rem, you know as well as I that she's going with someone else."

"Lauren's going with you AND another guy? Talk about crowded!"

"No, Sirius, I thought he was talking about someone else asking him. I never, not in a million years…"

"So Jamesie's too much of a coward that the girlies have to ask HIM to the dance?"

"Stop calling me Jamesie! And I'm not a coward! You should have seen her though," he shuddered. "It was weird."

"Weird how?"

"I dunno, she was all like… looked like she had something in her eye, and she talked like this…said some weird stuff."

Sirius made a gagging noise. "I've said it before, I'll say it again. Girls."

IIIIIIIIIIII

"Dude, we will so beat those Hufflepuffs at the match in two weeks!"

"I dunno, James, Lawrence Niles said that Vanderis has been making them train pretty hard."

"Lil, there is no way they are better than us. Mills is way faster than Waldek! The kid could hardly catch the snitch if it walked up to him wearing Sirius' boxers on his head and said, "Booga, Booga!"

"Yeah! And I'll bludgeon the hell outta those Badgers! Wait, what do my boxers have to do with any of this?"

"Oh shut up, Sirius. Lily, Sam, would you mind if I came shopping with you today?"

"Not at all Alice!" Sam said smiling.

"Are you so excited to pick out an outfit? I can hardly wait!"

"SO ANYWAY," Sirius exclaimed loudly, "the cup will so belong to us this year. But seriously, James, why MY boxers?"

"Because they have little golden snitches all over them?" James asked innocently.

"James!" he exclaimed in shocked surprise. Then he hissed, "Not in front of the _ladies_."

James laughed, "Did you show Mundungus that Marley Dribble move we read about?"

"Oh yeah, he was all for it! It'll be amazing, I assure you."

Lily wrinkled her nose, "Is sports all you guys talk about?"

He mocked her in a high falsetto, "Is clothing all you guys talk about?"

She ignored him, "Come on, Sam, Alice, we'll head down to Hogsmeade to start shopping and leave these dunderheads to their sports."

Remus looked up from where he was reading _Werewolves: Creatures of the Full Moon _and said, "I sure hope you're not applying that to me."

"Not at all, Remus dear." And they disappeared from sight.

"Girls," Sirius muttered. Then in his high-pitched voice, "Eww sports! Oh, let's go shop-ping! Dunderhead boys! Blah, Blah, Blah."

IIIIIIIIIIII

The boys walked into Gladrags clearly not excited to be there. They could hear the girls giggling from another part of the shop.

"How can they _like_ this stuff?"

"I dunno, Padfoot. Mum sent me money for new dress robes again. Not like I don't have ten pairs at home."

"Oh, that's 'cause you live the high-society life, Prongsie."

"As if you don't attend all the deathly boring parties hosted by families of only the purest blood," James said, not without contempt.

Sirius scowled, "Whatever. Let's get it over with, gents."

They all nodded grimly and stepped up to be measured.

IIIIIIII Meanwhile... IIIIIIII

Sam was laughing at the horrid prune-colored robes Lily had tried on and Alice was getting measured by one of the witches.

"Oh, Lily, really, get that OFF!"

"You don't think I'd actually wear this?"

"No, but still. Here, try this green one on."

"Fine, fine. You try this pale blue one. No, that one with the thingies on the sleeve."

IIII

"Alright, this one fits, no?"

"Yeah. Gah! These sleeves are… what ARE these?"

"I dunno. Here."

"Alright. Yeah, these are good."

"You set, Peter?"

"Yeah. You getting that one, James?"

"Eh, might as well."

"Frank, you sure you're not getting any dress robes?"

"Yeah, got my cousin's old robes. No big deal, guys. Really."

The boys all grabbed their things and paid.

IIII

"Oh, I just don't know. Do you like it in gold or blue better?"

"Gold, Alice, definitely gold."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Okay. …. Oh! Or should I get this one?"

"Hmmm. Put that one on again. Let me see."

"Lily, should I wear the sleeves like this or like _this_?"

"No, Sam, I quite liked the first one."

"But it was all bunchy here. And what happened to that other dress you had?"

"Oh, it just didn't fit my hips right and the cut was all…. Wrong. Oh, yes! Get _that_ one, Alice!"

"But what shoes would I wear?"

"Wear your strappy ones."

"But they kill my feet. Will the heels look right with this?"

"No, here, I have the perfect shoes for you!"

"Sam, try that dress on. I bet it'll look amazing!"

"But the color's wonky!"

And so an hour later the girls finally left the shop, pleased with their purchases.

IIIIII Meanwhile IIIIII

The boys spent twenty minutes in Zonko's restocking and planning their next prank. Then they headed over to Honeydukes where they all spent a good deal of money on their favorite sweets. Remus made them stop so he could buy more quills and parchment, James needed some more owl pellets and Sirius picked up some more polish for his broomstick.

They were just finishing their second round of butterbeers when the girls walked into the Three Broomsticks, exhausted from their retail adventures. The girls sat the table over from the boys and were joined by Gwendolyn and Rosy. The waiter brought them a round of butterbeers.

"Professor McKinley better not harm my child, I swear…"

"Relax, Lily. They're not actually real babies you know."

"Sam, that kind of attitude does not bode well for your grade."

"We all know I'm a failure anyway."

"This is true." Lily smiled and took a sip of butterbeer while Sam smacked her arm.

Alice piped up, "Hey, you lot seen the _Daily Prophet _lately?"

James turned around, joining in the conversation. "What of it, Alice?"

She lowered her voice to more of a whisper. "They say there's this wizard- bad lot he is. Gaining power an' supporters they say. Hear he might be the worst dark lord since Grindelwald."

Gwendolyn tutted, "Load of tosh it is, Alice, I don't believe in it."

Lily looked scared, "But… but what would that mean?"

James looked at her, "You don't know, but dark wizards- they're just evil. No rhyme or reason. They try to rule the wizarding world. Most of 'em just torture- 'specially Muggles for the fun of it- can be rough times."

Peter laughed nervously, "But it really isn't, I mean he couldn't-"

Sirius looked up from where he was staring blankly at the table. "No, Pete, he most certainly can and he will. S'not tosh, Ara. Somethin's going on, something dark. We all need to watch ourselves."

"Yes indeed," replied Alice and the group remained silent for quite sometime, each lost in his or her own thoughts.

Sirius, who couldn't stand sobriety for very long, smiled and stood on his chair and began to sing a rather bawdy ballad. Soon they all were hysterical mostly because of the gestures that accompanied the crude lyrics and thoughts of a dark lord moved to the back of their minds where they would remain until they could be pondered alone.

A/N: Ooh, ending on a somber-ish note. But hey! It's finished! Huzzah!!! Hope you enjoyed, of R/R! Next chapter is the ball! Yay! Should be a fun one!


	6. Fools, Duels and The Toadstools

Title: Careers, spouses, babies, and houses.

Author(s): Megan Stack and Caitlin Higgins Copyright June 2003

Disclaimer: The characters you recognize are JK's the ones you don't are original

A/N: As you can see by the copyright date, much of this story was written before HBP and DH. In fact, it was written just around the time of OoTP. Therefore, there are a lot of glaring inaccuracies as revealed by subsequent HP books. We have thusly decided to change around certain characters in order to make it more accurate. There are still certain references/events which may or may not be contradicted by cannon or by JKR. So, please bear with the changes, and accept the fact that we can't go through and change the entire story.

Arabella Figg has been replaced by a one Gwendolyn (Gwen) Humphreys, a fictional character we have created.

Arthur Weasley and Molly Baker have been replaced by Frank Longbottom and Alice Prewett (later to be Longbottom).

AND NOW! We present you with the long-awaited… CHAPTER 6! Along with the ball!

**Chapter 6: Fools, Duels, and The Toadstools **

It was three in the afternoon and the ball was to begin at eight o'clock sharp. The seventh year girls were busying themselves in their dormitory, making sure everything would be just perfect for tonight. A wireless was playing in the corner, some newscaster was talking about exploding toilets in Berkshire before switching over to a song called, "You Dropped My Heart in a Love Potion" sung by the band Deathly Dungbombs.

"Oh, this song is such crap."

"I quite like it, Alice."

"Sam, I seriously question your sanity."

"As if you were ever totally sure about it."

"Yeah, you are pretty loony."

Sam smiled as she stood up and pulled out her dress robes. She hung them off her four-poster and performed a steaming charm, making sure all the wrinkles were gone and Alice went back to filing her nails.

Lily was in front of her dresser, trying different shades of eye shadow to see how they complimented her dress and Lauren sat on her bed painting her nails cherry red. Gwendolyn walked in, towel drying her hair and Sarah jumped up, grabbing a change of clothes and took the now vacant shower.

"How excited are you girls for the band tonight?" Lily asked wiping off the gold eye shadow and reaching for a green.

Sam smiled, flopping back on her bed, "It will be pretty awesome."

Gwen looked at her like she was insane. "Pretty awesome? It will be _amazing_! The best day of my life, even! I cannot wait to see Dylan Marbry in person!"

"Just to _hear_ the Toadstools is enough for me!" Lauren giggled across the room.

Alice smiled, almost swooning, "And to hear Archibald Deepjet play those drums!" The rest of the girls fell into fits of giggles at the prospect.

IIIIIIIIIIIII

Meanwhile, the boys were laying around the Common Room, lazily watching the babies and talking about Quidditch, as always.

"My dad's supposed to take me to a match over Christmas, Ballycastle Bats versus the Chuddley Cannons."

"I saw 'em last year, Rem, excellent game. Lasted nearly twelve hours! Simply amazing. 'Course that was when they still had Piddley. Now that he's gone though, they're seriously lacking."

"Come off it, Sirius, you know Button's better than Piddley, the guy practically bathed himself in firewhiskey! Couldn't play worth a damn!"

"James, James, you are delusional."

"Uh, hey James…"

"Hold on, Remus. Padfoot, clearly you are the one who is delusional. You think that the Falcons have a chance over the Arrows!"

"James, you really should…"

"Moony! Give it a rest! I need to tell our good friend Padfoot- though he is quite out of it- that the Arrows shall have the cup another year in a row! Piddley was a dunce, much like you, Sirius, and the Falcons, well, that's just a lost cause, they'll never win it!"

"JAMES, MAURA IS EATING PAPER."

"Oh crap! Lily's gonna kill me!" He jumped up, and grabbed Maura, trying to rip the parchment from her grasp. "Uh, heh, sorry Pete, here's your astronomy homework back."

"Oh great, baby drool. And she bit off part of my diagram!"

"Sorry…" James had the grace to look abashed and sat down, keeping Maura on his lap though she tried to bite and kick him to let her go.

Around 7:30 the boys decide its time to get ready and they head up the stairs begrudgingly, the whole while the girls had frantically readied themselves until the last possible minute.

IIIIIIII 20 Minutes Later IIIIIII

The boys made their way down the stairs nervously, tugging at their dress robes as they waited for the girls to come down. They didn't have to wait long, though it seemed like an eternity to the anxious young men.

Lily alighted the stairs first, looking radiant in emerald green dress robes. As she reached the bottom she grinned broadly in James' direction. He smiled back goofily, as he was so bowled over by her appearance he rather convinced himself she was his date. He extended his arm as she came closer and was about to say something when she walked right past him. He was very affronted before he realized that she was, of course, smiling and moving toward Eamon, who was sadly her boyfriend and date for the ball instead of James.

He was spared at least some embarrassment because Lauren was right behind her. "Hey, James!" She exclaimed in that annoying voice of hers.

"Oh, er…right. Hi." She batted her eyes, waiting for some sort of compliment, while James was too busy watching Eamon escort Lily through the portrait hole to notice.

"Shall we be off, then?" he asked distractedly and they set out.

Peter had left after James to meet his date Melinda Miser, a Hufflepuff, in the Great Hall. Remus smiled as Gwen walked down the stairs. She really did look quite good. They were both grinning shyly at each other when her foot caught on her robes, which were a bit too long for her short frame. She tumbled own the last few stairs straight into Remus and he caught her quickly. As she stood up, her face was bright red from embarrassment but he didn't seem to mind. He helped her up and they walked out of the common room, chuckling to themselves.

Alice met Frank by the fireside and they, too, made their way to the ball. Sam was the last to leave the dormitory as she had a problem with her shoes. She tried to make them more comfortable but had only succeeded in turning them orange, which looked hideous with her blue robes and she couldn't change them back. She was still swearing loudly at her uncomfortable and now obnoxiously colored shoes as she started down the staircase. Once in view of Sirius, she yelled, "I am NOT going!" Sirius was still admiring her despite her red face and mismatched shoes as she started stomping back up to her room.

"Oh, you're going Potter," he called loftily after her.

She turned around angrily and yelled, "No I am NOT! My shoes are GROSS! I can't change them back!"

"Well then, allow me." He deftly changed them back to blue (after turning them puke green, at which point Sam had almost taken one off and chucked it at him).

Grinning, he offered her his arm. "Right then, shall we?"

IIIIIIIIII

To the left of the great hall was a space that was set aside for tonight as the "nursery". Students were dropping off their charges as Professor McKinley would take off the animation spell and set them off to the side where later in the night, at the conclusion of the dance, they would be reanimated and given back to their parents.

The Great Hall was dimly lit by thousands of Jack O'Lanterns, some of which were floating in midair. The stage was set up in the front of the room where the staff table normally sat. There were some small round tables set up throughout the Great Hall with a space cleared in the middle as a dance floor. Teachers were standing around the edges of the room surveying as students were milling about, meeting up with friends from other houses. A table was set up to one side with light refreshments and snacks.

James entered the Great Hall with Lauren dithering on about some nonsense while she clung to his arm. He hardly took in the decorations or the Toadstools setting up in the corner, as he was too preoccupied trying to find Lily in the crowded room. Remus, Gwendolyn, Sam, and Sirius came up from behind him.

"Shall we find a table then, mate?"

James craned his neck to see over Baxter Poutin, that dastardly tall Ravenclaw.

"Prongsie? Table, mate?"

"Oh, wha?"

"You know, James, place to sit down?"

Sirius cocked an eyebrow at him. "You feelin' alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, fine, Padfoot. Shall we?"

"Uh, right then, off we are."

As the others walked towards an empty table, Sam punched her brother in the arm, whispering and gesturing over her right shoulder, "Oy, Piddle Pants, Reds is over thatta way."

"Sam!" he hissed, "I told you not to call me Piddle Pants at school!"

"Well, you never yell at mom for calling you that," she pointed out with a shrug.

"Just shut it. And I was NOT looking for 'Reds'."

"Yeah, sure, you were just trying to see what the top of Baxter Poutin's head looks like. Good luck with that; he's only two feet taller than you." With that she grabbed her seat next to Sirius, and James stalked around to the only two empty chairs and plopped down.

"Oh, come off it James, don't look so cross."

"I am NOT cross, Remus. I am FINE."

Peter came bumbling over with Melinda, usually an average looking Hufflepuff. Tonight, however her brown hair was done up as if birds had made a nest in it. It was rather frizzy and she had a hideous shade of plum eyeshadow smeared all the way up to her over-arched eyebrows. She obviously fancied herself quite the fashion plate. She was smacking her gum, and seemed to be much more interested in Sirius than Peter.

"Uh, Hey, guys. No more seats?"

"Hey Pete, just grab two from that table, we can bunch up."

"How very nice of you, Mr. Black." Melinda's voice sounded like nails scraping a chalkboard and she punctuated the end of her sentences with a horrid nervous giggle. Every other word preceded a smack of her gum, a habit the Gryffindors seemed none too fond of.

He dragged two chairs over with some difficulty, knocking one over in the process. A group of Slytherins turned around at the noise and eyed him with disgust, making him flush deep red at the incident. Melinda looked like she wanted to sink into the floor, embarrassed to be his date.

"Uh, heh, whoops." He hurried righted the chair, pulled it up to the table and sat down in it as low as he could.

"Pete, you look like you're being swallowed by the table. No big deal, mate. Just shake it off."

"Right, right."

"Pete," smack, "you gonna like," smack, "introduce me to your friends, then?" Smack.

"Oh, yeah, yeah. You guys remember Melinda? Mel, this is Sirius."

"Enchanté."

She giggled.

"Uh, this is Sam."

"Yeah, yeah, real charmed. Sirius go get me a punch. NOT A REAL PUNCH, DOOFUS!" And she whacked him upside the head. He promptly got up and walked over to the refreshments.

"Right, then we have Remus-"

"Hello, Melinda."

"Gwendolyn-"

"Hi."

"Lauren-"

"Oh, hey, Melinda! I just adore your dress! Did you know that that plum really brings out that wonderful grey in your eyes? And your nails, you know, I recently-"

"Right, then. This is James."

"Hi, James."

"James! You dolt say Hello!"

"Sam, Shut up! I wasn't looking—Oh, right, hey Melinda."

"Right then, take a seat Melinda." Remus gave James a knowing look. James merely scowled back.

Sirius returned hurriedly with a glass of punch lest Sam smack him again. Melinda leaned over Sam to talk to Sirius in that hideous voice of hers.

"So, Sirius," smack, "I hear like," smack, "you guys are like," smack, "really ready to," smack, "take the cup this year."

Sam stood up quickly, "Oh look, Sirius, the band's about done setting up. We're dancing." She yanked him up out of his seat and started dragging him over to the middle of the room.

"Uh, but uh, what about your punch?"

"I'm not thirsty. Let's GO."

Remus and Gwen started laughing to themselves, Peter and Melinda looked quite confused, Lauren looked offended, and James wasn't looking at anything but his shoes and it quite seemed as if they were very offensive to him.

"All righ' ladies an' gents 'a Hogwarts! We are tha Toadstools!" There was a good deal of squealing heard 'round the hall as many of the girls rushed towards the stage. "'Ere's a crowd favorite- I Was Nauseous and Tingly All Over (I Was Either In Love or I had Spattergroit). Grab yer date an' git up here ta dance!"

"Oh, Remus, please, let's get up and dance! I love this song!"

"Alright, alright, but don't blame me if I step on your feet. I'm not very good at the whole dancing thing."

"I don't care!" Gwen practically knocked Remus off his feet in an attempt to make it to the already crowded dance floor.

"Uh, Melinda, say, you want to dance?"

"Yeah," smack, "sure, I guess. Ta ta, Jamesie."

"So, James."

No response from the other Potter.

"James, are we going to dance or something or are you going to be a toad all night?"

"What?"

"You're not even listening to me!"

"I was, er, just couldn't hear you over the music. Say, wanna get out there?"

"Thought you'd never ask."

IIIIIIIIII

As the gang was dancing to "My Other Car's A Broom", Malfoy slammed into James and Snape into Sirius.

"Oh, whoops, sorry there, Potter, maybe you should _watch your back_."

"Maybe you should sod off, Malfoy."

"Ew, James, I got greaseball all over me."

"You shut your mouth, Black. You'll be sorry."

"Yeah, yeah, Snape, so sure you'll make us pay good. Too bad you can't even figure how to work a shower."

"I'm warning you and your Marauder friends. Watch your back."

"Yeah, put another record on Malfoy, this one's getting old. Why don't you prance on over there, and take your girlfriend Snape with you."

IIIIIIIII

"Whew, I'm tired, wanna grab a seat for a bit?"

"Oh no, Jamsie," Lauren whined, "I wanna keep dancing!"

"Well, I just want a quick rest, I promise."

"Would you mind if I stayed out here?"

"Knock yourself out."

James disentangled himself from the group of sweaty, dancing seventh years and headed back to the table, but not before grabbing a cup of punch. He sighed and took a sip. He really liked to dance, but Lauren was horrible at it. She had nearly whacked him in the face with her elbows twice, and his feet were throbbing from her high heels. He was casting an eye about for Lily. He hadn't seen her at all since they left the common room.

"Guess she's having a fabulous time with Eamon, the prick," He muttered into his cup.

"Hey James," called a familiar voice from behind him.

He jumped up as if the seat of his pants were on fire and turned to face Lily. He moved so quickly, however, that the slammed right into her and the punch he was holding spilled all over the front of her dress robes.

"Nice going, Potter." Eamon's barking laugh sounded throughout the hall, but it was deafening to James. He just stared at the front of Lily's dress, hardly believing his eyes.

Lily finally looked up, "James, it's-" He didn't stay to hear whatever scathing words she had to say. He yelled his apologies and fled from the ball, cursing himself the whole time. She tried to call out after him, "It's not ruined!" but it was lost over the music.

Eamon was still laughing, which only served to make Lily angry. "**Scourgify!**Shut UP, Eamon! God, you are so immature!" She stalked away from him and into the girl's bathroom.

Just then, Sirius, Sam, Remus, and Gwen appeared.

"Hey, what happened to James?"

"Klutz knocked punch all over Lily's dress. Now she's all tiffed and went to the bathroom."

Sirius groaned and went out after James. Gwen excused herself and made her way to the ladies' room.

"Hey! Lauren, babe. Care for a dance?"

"Sure, Eamon, get on out here!"

Sam rolled her eyes. "I don't know who's more of a doofus, Eamon or my brother."

"Ah," said Remus, "The world may never know."

Just then a slower ballad, "Love Potion (Just Drink It)" came on. Looking about him, Remus realized they were the only two left.

"Shall we, then?"

Sam laughed, "Why the heck not!"

IIIIIIIII

"James! James! Now, just wait up, will you, mate!?"

James turned around quickly. "What IS it, Sirius?"

"I heard you spilled punch over Lily."

"Yeah, come to ream me out, too?"

"No, dude, I just wanted the whole story. That, and to convince you to come back in."

"The whole story? The story is I'm clumsy. I turned around, she was right there, bam! Instant reason for Lily to hate me."

"James, I'm sure she doesn't hate you."

"Yeah, I only ruined her dress."

"I'm sure it's nothing Scourgify won't cure."

"Still. She probably thinks I'm a loser."

"Well you won't know until you get out there and face the music."

"Can't I just hide forever? Besides, looks like she's having a grand old time with Eamon."

"Come now, us Marauders don't hide from conflict and chaos, we embrace it! In we go, then!"

IIIIIIIII

"Lily, you in here?"

"Yeah, Gwen, third stall."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, Hold on." She emerged from the stall, her eyeliner smeared a bit.

"You really that upset about your dress? Looks like you fixed it well. James was just a little clumsy."

"No, no, I just feel bad, you know? Eamon needs to stop being such an idiot. I wasn't mad at James at all, but Eamon made him feel like he did something totally wrong and he just left before I could tell him that it wasn't ruined."

"You know, Lil, the rest of us don't see why you're still with him."

"I dunno, Gwen. He's not all THAT bad."

"Come on, Lily, he can be a downright jerk, especially to your friends."

"Yeah, well, I don't much fancy having this conversation right now."

"Well then, why don't you come out and maybe apologize to James for Eamon's behavior?"

"Yeah, I guess. If I can even find him, that is."

"Let's go."

IIIIIIIII

James and Sirius reentered the Great Hall. There, right in front of them, was Sam and Remus dancing together. Sam was laughing at something Remus had said just before he twirled her.

"Right, then, Padfoot, let's get this over with. … Padfoot? … Mate? Why are you looking so… murderous? .. Sirius?"

Sirius didn't reply and instead stalked straight ahead, marching towards the dancing couple as Lauren made a beeline for James and practically knocked him flat.

"Oh, hey, Padfoot. How's James?"

"Sirius, what are you doing? Let go!"

"Come on, Sam, let's get a punch."

"I'm going to get you a punch real quick if you don't stop gripping my arm like you're trying to tear it off!"

He pulled her towards the refreshment table, leaving Remus quite baffled.

The angry couple pushed past James and he was left staring after them, quite confused himself. Just as he turned around to find Lily, he found that Lauren had attached herself to his arm.

"Hey Jamesie! I didn't know where you got off to! Thought you were just having a small rest. Well, anyway, let's get some punch, I'm parched, yeah?"

James allowed himself to be swept away, without much time to protest.

Remus approached Lily and Gwen as they were emerging from the bathroom. "Hey, Gwen! Want to get some fresh air?"

"Sure, Rem. 'Scuse me, Lily."

"Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Hey, Remus, you seen James?"

"Yeah, he headed over to the drink table, I think."

"Oh, alright, thanks. Enjoy your walk!"

Lily was intercepted by Eamon. "Hey, babe, care for a make-out session in the broom closet?"

"Urgh, Eamon, shove off!"

"Ah, come on, I know you don't mean it."

"Just, just leave me alone for one minute, okay?"

"Sure, babe, sure, I'll wait in the closet."

"You do that, Eamon." Lily shook her head and stalked towards the refreshments.

She didn't see James anywhere near there nor did she see him at his table. Where had he gotten to? She cast about the room, trying to find him, when she spotted him in a dimly lit corner not too far away. It seemed as if he had sprouted an extra pair of arms and legs before Lily realized he was entangled with Lauren in a passionate, er, embrace. Her eyes widened, and at the threat of tears she stalked out of the Hall and up to the Common Room.

"Ergh! Lauren! Gerroff! What do you think you're doing?"

"James, it's just a kiss."

"That, that was not just a kiss! But seriously, no! I don't like you like that!"

"You don't?"

"No, Lauren, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings but I don't!"

"Well that doesn't mean that we still can't make out!" She took a step towards him.

"Er, yeah, yes it does! Generally you kiss people you like! Sorry, but I was looking for someone."

She deflated a little. "Yeah, Lily, right?"

"Well, no, not exactly, I mean…"

"James, come off it. I'm not stupid."

James looked like he wanted to refute that, but he thought better of himself.

"Anyway, I can tell you like her, known it for a while. But she's got Eamon and they're happy together. So you might as well forget it and just snog me."

"As great as your logic is, I'm going to have to pass on that last part. Listen, I'm going to go find Sirius. I'll catch you later."

"Whatever." And she marched off into the crowd. "Hey Eamon! Where are you?"

James sighed to himself. "Well, this is turning out to be a _wonderful_ evening."

"JAMES!"

_Oh gods_, he thought to himself. _What now?_ He turned to face a furious Sam.

"Why, yes, sister dear, how on earth may I help you?"

"Don't you take that tone with me, James Harold Potter."

"Sam…"

"No, you listen here. I don't know what the heck is going on in that pea-sized brain of your best friend, but I don't like it! Get your butt over there, and FIX IT!"

"But Sam, clearly, as his date, and his wife, surely you would-"

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't test me, Piddle Pants."

"Right, then, I think I'll go see what's up with Sirius, yeah?"

"Good idea." And she stalked off.

_Merlin,_ he thought, _I wonder if it's too late to transfer. Maybe I should just be a hermit… _He spotted Sirius sulking at the table and steeled himself before going over.

"So, Padfoot," he said sitting down on the chair next to him, "I was just told by a very enraged Potter to come over here and "fix it." So then, mate, what's it that needs fixing?"

"She came over here and told you that? URGH! That woman! Why, I don't know why I don't just… Oh, she just thinks she… and I don't see why… It's not like I…"

"English, mate. It's usually a good idea to use it. Well, unless of course you're in a foreign country, or maybe you're FROM a foreign country. But, you know, most of the world is learning English as second language, so it's not as if… Oh, what am I saying?! Just spit it out, Sirius."

"It's nothing James, nothing's wrong at all."

"Right, mate, nothing's wrong, Sam's just off her rocker."

"That she is."

"Well, I'm sure there's a reason she's pissed and you're over here sulking."

"I am NOT sulking, I'm…. sulking."

"Care to tell me why?"

"Not particularly."

"Sirius…"

"Nope, I'm keeping mum on this one. Sam wants it fixed; well she's doing the fixing. I don't care if it takes the whole year for her to come and fix it."

"Right then…" James whistled nervously and stared at his hands. "So, want to hear about my night?"

"Yeah, whatcha got?"

"Lauren practically swallowed me whole."

"She kissed you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, what'd you do?"

"I told her I didn't like her like that. And then she said that didn't mean we couldn't snog."

"You know, I don't necessarily snog girls I like, like."

"Yeah, that's because the only girl you like, like will punch you in the face if you try anything."

"Point taken. So was she upset?"

"Not very. Just hopped off to find Eamon. Chicks are weird."

"Amen to that."

"Hey, gents, how's it hanging?"

"Oh, you know, Rem, just a regular _fantastic_ ole ball! Sirius, where you going?"

"I, uh, have to go."

"Where to?"

"Just, somewhere. Bye JAMES."

"What is going on with everyone tonight? Is there something in the punch?"

"I dunno, Moony."

"What is with him? He came in earlier, after he went to get you and just stomped up to Sam and I while we were dancing. He didn't really even say anything, just grabbed her and stalked off."

"Did he?"

"Yep. Just hauled Sam right out of there, no explanation. Can't say she was happy with it, of course."

"It can't be… Merlin, is he really?"

"James, you must be talking to yourself because you're not making any sense to me."

"Remus, I do believe Padfoot is, for whatever very insecure reason, jealous."

"Of what?"

"Of you!"

"Jealous of me? Look, if he wants to sprout hair once a month and uncontrollably howl at the moon, he's welcome to it."

"He does that once a month anyway. Point is, I think he's jealous of you and Sam."

"Me and Sam? Whyever would he be jealous of us?"

"'Cause you two get along so famously. God, I'm a prat. Why didn't I see that sooner?"

"He's the prat if he thinks there's something to be jealous about. I'm going to talk to him."

"I'll come with."

The two Marauders set out to find Sirius. They had spotted him near the door talking to Peter. As they approached they could hear snatches of the conversation over the quieter parts of the song playing.

"Why are you mad at her anyway, Padfoot?"

"Wormtail, it's not that I'm mad at her."

"Well, then what is it? Cause I can't see it any other way."

"I don't know, I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh, look, here's James and Remus."

"I'm leaving then."

"Sirius, wait up, man."

"You know, I don't really feel like speaking with you right now, Moony, I've somewhere to be."

"Just wait one minute, Padfoot, and let me have a say."

Sirius' color and anger was rising. "No, you listen, Lupin. I don't want to hear from you, or look at you right now."

"Well, well, well, seems we have a lover's quarrel here, Snape. What do you think?"

Snape drawled, "Sure seems like it to me, Lucius."

"Oh shove off. No one wants to hear it, Snivy."

"Black, I've told you not to call me that."

"Oh, yeah, you may have mentioned that once or twice, but you know, I think Snivellus fits you much better, Snape."

James started in, "Just do us all a favor and get out of here. I'm sure everyone would enjoy their evening much more."

"Yes, Potter, see, our purpose is to make sure _you_ don't enjoy yours."

"Oh, and what's that supposed to mean, Malfoy?"

"Oh, you'll quite find out, EXPELLIARMUS!" Malfoy caught all four wands with a dexterity only seen from a Chaser. "Snape, why don't you show Potter here that new curse you've been _dying_ to try out."

"With pleasure, Lucius." He raised his wand and pointed it squarely at James' chest. "SECTUMSEMPRA!"

"JAMES! DUCK!" Remus went flying at James, grabbing him 'round the middle, just as Snape fired his curse. It missed his intended target but served only to hit Remus directly in the abdomen. Both Remus and James fell to the floor with a sickening thud, as Remus proceeded to bleed as if Snape has thrust a sword straight through him.

It seemed as if time stood still while James stared uncomprehendingly at the blood which was flowing onto his robes. At first, he thought he had been hit, and found it strange to feel no other sensation than a throbbing in his head from where he smacked the floor, but he soon realized that Remus had taken the whole of the curse for him. James glared up at Malfoy who was laughing to himself and Snape, who seemed to have gone a little paler than normal.

Sirius lunged at Snape and grabbed the front of his robes, lifting the smaller boy off the floor. "You do the counter-curse right now! NOW!"

Snape stuttered, "I.. I… don't know one… yet… I don't… know."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU FIX HIM, FIX HIM NOW!"

Snape continued to splutter at the enraged Sirius. Sam, who had seen the whole thing, had rushed to Remus' side.

"Remus, Remus, does it hurt? PETER, go get Dumbledore. NOW, move it, you fool!"

Peter hurried off.

"James, James, what about you, have you been hit? Oh, God, it's so much blood!"

"No, no, it's all Remus. I, I…" James was clearly just as shocked as the rest of the room. The music had finally stopped as people began to realize what had happened.

Dumbledore came rushing over, followed by McGonagall. "Minerva, clear the way, get Poppy." He conjured a stretcher for Remus and as he rushed him from the hall, he tried any number of counter-curses he could think of. Sam jumped up and rushed after them, crimson stains all over her blue dress robes. James weakly stood, helped up by Peter.

"Sirius, put him down, now's the time to go support Remus. Leave it."

Sirius turned back to James, deciding he was right, but not before he sneered in Snape's face. "This is NOT over, by the gods, I swear you will pay, Snape." And he rushed out of the hall followed by Peter and James. He stopped. "Wait, where's Sam?"

"She followed Remus up to the Hospital Wing."

Sirius cursed under his breath.

Peter piped up nervously, "You think he'll be okay, James?"

James sighed, "Honestly, I don't know. We just better hope Dumbledore's as good as they say he is." And the three boys continued in silence to the Hospital Wing.

What seemed as an eternity later, but was really only about a half an hour, Dumbledore finally emerged from the confines of the Hospital Wing. The three youths jumped up and met him with a barrage of questions.

"Sir, is Remus okay? Is he still alive?"

"Is Sam in there with him?"

"Snape and Malfoy will be expelled, won't they Sir, for a stunt like this?"

The wizened old man held up his hands as if to stop the flow of questions. "Now, now. Mister Lupin is still very much alive, though quite weak, and he will make a full recovery. Yes, Samantha is in there, aiding Madam Pomfrey in her work, she's a gifted healer, you know. And the fates of Mister Snape and Mister Malfoy remain to be seen. Peter, I would like you to go fetch Professor McKinley for me, and have her deliver Severus and Lucius to my office."

"Yes, yes, sir." And Peter scurried off to do as he was told.

"Sir, surely you can't mean you're considering letting Snape and Malfoy finish out the year?"

"Master Potter, as I've said, I've yet to make a firm decision. Trial by jury, James, do not forget."

James decided it was not in his best interests to argue further. "May we go see him, Sir? Remus, I mean."

"Madam Pomfrey has decreed he is not to have visitors until the morning, gentlemen."

"But Sir, if Sam's in there, can't we-"

"As I have said, Mister Black, Samantha is helping in the healing process. I am not one to argue with Poppy when the situation needs close monitoring."

"But Professor Dumbledore, you said that he should be fine. He really will be fine, won't he?"

"James, as I'm sure you know, Remus has been through a great deal before. Thankfully this has come at a moment when he is not at his weakest. But blood loss can do a great deal to physical strength, and he certainly will need to recover all that he can before the end of the month, when other conditions… arise."

James and Sirius bowed their heads. "Yes, sir, we understand. Come on James, let's wait for Pete and then head back to the Common Room for the night. The ball's practically over anyway."

"Ah, Mister Black, do not forget your charges before you leave."

"Oh right." Then, under his breath he added, "Stupid babies."

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled as if he had heard the sentiment, but without commenting he turned and walked to his office.

A/N: The title of one of the Toadstool songs is inspired by a quote from Woody Allen, adapted, of course, to make it more Hogwartian.

Hopefully we'll be working on Chapter 7 with a little more speed than with this one. R/R! Thanks for your patience!


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